running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
