mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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