It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
