Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
