I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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