You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
