Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
