It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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