things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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