She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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