I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
it's not cheating when I paid for it
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
