I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize