But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
