You can't special order awesome
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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