I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Randomize
