I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
