This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
