She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
