I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
