She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We were destined to go to rehab together
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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