last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I have tasted many bathrooms
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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