3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
