His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
