fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
