I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
