oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I need water and some morals
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
