He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
