Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
When are your genitals available?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
