Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
