I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
