i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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