Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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