I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
