hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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