Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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