hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
this boner is exhausting
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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