ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
