i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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