U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
