I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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