And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
