All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
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