I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
