im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
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Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize