What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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