They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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