It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
