We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
