Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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