For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's never too late to be topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize