Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
