found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
