OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
