I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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