Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
