similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
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I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
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You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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