from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
