You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
