can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
