I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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