yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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