What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
