belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
