i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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