i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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