Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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