If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
