is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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