I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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