shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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