peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
birth control should be required to get into college
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So vagazzling was a success
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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